When I was teaching health, the unit on relationships was one of my favorites. I found that many of my students were in relationships that were ‘unhealthy’. I realized how important it was to help them identify that for themselves. I believe that knowledge is power and I wanted them to be informed.
Many of my clients who come to me with issues related to “feeling out of control” whether it is with food, sleep, alcohol or anger are involved in stressful, unhealthy relationships. Besides those symptoms, unhealthy relationships can create different kinds problems ranging from sadness and depression to headaches and digestive issues.
There is hope! The beginning of repairing a relationship is identifying the elements that define the wellness of a relationship. Here is an easy guide to evaluate the health of your important relationships: The first of 4 elements is Boundaries. Boundaries are those physical and emotional limits within which you feel comfortable and safe. In a healthy relationship you feel comfortable expressing those limits and your partner respects and honors them. In an unhealthy relationship one partner may make fun of you for your boundaries, pressure you to change them or ignore them completely. Equity, the next element to consider, is the equal division of ‘work’ in a relationship. Even though on a day to day basis the balance can go from 90-10 to 70-30, by the end of the week you should feel that it averages out to a 50-50 relationship; whatever that means to you. You should feel as though both of your needs and wants are as important as the other’s. That the ‘work’ in a relationship is evenly divided. In a healthy relationship you feel valued and feel comfortable asking for what you want or need. In an unhealthy relationship one partner always feels like they are compromising, doing the apologizing or doing the ‘work’ to make the relationship work. The third element is Self-Esteem. Self-esteem is the way you perceive your own value or worth as a person. If your self-esteem is healthy, you feel value as an individual, not determined by your partner. You must have healthy self-esteem in order to be part of a healthy relationship. In an unhealthy relationship your self-esteem is dependent upon what you partner or others think of you. You don’t feel whole without the relationship or the relationship defines your value. Self -esteem can be improved with self help books or hypnosis! The final element is really the most important and the one that can make or break any relationship. That is Communication. Communication is the process of successfully sending and receiving messages. The key word, of course, being successfully! In a healthy relationship you feel comfortable expressing your feelings and feel as though you are being heard. Successful communication means that your message was received the way you meant it. In a unhealthy relationship, one of you may not know how to, or may not feel safe expressing their feelings out of fear of making the other angry or being criticized for the opinion. The reason that communication is so important is because it is the only way to repair any of the other elements!
Issues related to stress, anxiety, insomnia, over eating or problems coping are often just symptoms from feeling the effects of being in an unhealthy relationship. There is underlying anger or unresolved issues that create negative feelings and of course, feelings cause behaviors!
Using Hypnosis, NLP and Tapping I have helped many to resolve negative feelings that are often leftover from their childhood and needs to be resolved before fixing the relationship is possible. Are your relationships healthy?