When Intimacy Is A Problem

Some things are difficult to share, even with our closest friends.  Although sexual ads and Viagra ads seem to be all around us, many still have problems with impotence.  When the issues are not caused by a physical organic problem, they are caused by emotions. Have you noticed that when you feel bad, you experience physical changes in your body? Those changes include headaches, back aches, high blood pressure etc. Sometimes our body responds in less obvious ways.

Recently I attended the annual conference of the National Guild of Hypnotists. One of the classes I took was about nonorganic male impotence and the remarkable results of relieving it with hypnosis.  I was unaware of the extent of the problem or that nonorganic impotence is not always helped with drugs.  According to Gerald Kein, founder of the Omni Hypnosis Training Center, the root cause is emotions. Those emotions include fear, anger, guilt and a need to be in control.  Kein cited case after case of men he helped in a relatively short period of time using hypnosis.  Emotions deeply rooted in the subconscious are more easily addressed in hypnosis than in a traditional therapy setting because hypnosis allows communication directly with the subconscious mind. The client is often unaware of the underlying cause of the problem and hypnosis is effective in uncovering and alleviating the root cause.

I was reminded of a client whose wife sent him to me because they were having intimacy issues and she wanted him to get ‘fixed’.  In hypnosis I asked him, “What will it take for you to be intimate with your wife?” His answer was simply stated in one word, “respect.”  He was unaware that his problem was actually his wife, who drank heavily. When she was drunk she was very disrespectful and demeaning to him.  She wanted to be intimate with him when she was drunk, but he was unable.  When the session ended, he was relieved but not surprised by the results.

Another client reported that his wife told him that she had a stronger desire than he did and that he could never satisfy her.  In hypnosis he uncovered that he had a fear of failure and that fear got in his way.  Hypnosis was able to eliminate the fear and restored his confidence.

A large part of the process includes forgiveness.  Anger is like a hot coal in that it only hurts when you hold on to it!  Learning to release anger and forgive is essential to move forward in your life. Couples who bring anger to bed can experience this problem. Forgiveness begins with forgiving others and eventually must include forgiveness of self.

Self-forgiveness is often related to guilt. Many people hold on to guilt for something they did or didn’t do in the past. My Mother taught me that guilt is a waste of energy and if I did something wrong, I should do the best I can to fix it, apologize when possible, forgive myself and move on! She also told me that no one can make me feel guilty without my permission. An unusual approach for a Jewish Mother!

When negative emotions are released, the physical problems also are eliminated.