You Can Stop Being a Bullying Victim
for The Orange Times
Bullies come in all shapes, sizes and genders. Many people have experienced bullying either as a child or as an adult; experienced it at home, at school or on the job. It seems impossible to see a day go by without some report of a terrible incident involving a bully or a victim of a bully. I am amazed at the number of adults I see for anxiety whose anxiety began when being bullied either in school or at home. I would love to hear from you and how you dealt with it, including whether you are still dealing with it. I wonder how many of you are the bully and just don’t realize it because no one has told you.
The anxiety or fear that is created by being bullied is easy to understand. Because of the nature of the unconscious mind, when one experiences fear as a young child, the feelings of fear remain while the initial cause may be consciously forgotten. This fear evolves into anxiety and grows bigger with each experience of fear regardless of the initial cause. For example, a child may experience a scary encounter with a mean child that later makes them uncomfortable meeting new children. The anticipation of another encounter with a mean child makes them feel anxious. Those who enjoy intimidating others often sense that anxiety, and the cycle begins.
Bullying comes in many different forms and often begins at home. We know that children who were abused often grow up to be abusers. We now know that children who were bullied often grow up to be bullies at work or to their own children.
We also know now that the brain of a bully is different. An article in the NY Times written by Tara Parker-Pope says that “…In a chilling finding, the researchers found aggressive youths appear to enjoy inflicting pain on others…. When the aggressive youths watched people intentionally inflicting pain on another, the scan showed a response in the part of the brain associated with reward and pleasure.” This is a chilling discovery that we can all find enlightening.
The million-dollar question is then, how to avoid being the target of a bully. Bullies are really cowards and rather pathetic human beings, but they have an uncanny way of choosing their victims. Everyone knows that when you stand up to a bully they back down. I have recently worked with several clients aging from 10 to 60 years old who were victims of bulling. Using a variety of techniques from Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) to Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and hypnosis these clients were able to neutralize the feelings they had about the bullies and replace them with feelings of confidence and empowerment. You can’t control other people but you have 100% control over the way you allow them to affect you and 100% control over the way you respond to them.
Anxiety is always caused by something real that happened a long time ago that you have already survived and is in the past. The unconscious mind continues to try to protect you using adrenaline when triggered by a situation that possibly represents a threat even though there is no real danger.
Hypnosis is the most effective way to change those negative thoughts that create the negative feelings that seem to attract bullies in every stage of life. Check my website for the next workshop about improving self-esteem and feeling empowered using hypnosis, NLP and EFT.