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Wednesday, May 14 2014

In Pursuit Of Happiness

Happiness has been the subject of many studies, and the results are in. According to “The Greater Good” at The University of CA at Berkeley, people who are happy are less likely to get sick, are more likely to be successful, have more friends, are more likely to get married and are more productive at work. The most obvious question then becomes “How can I find happiness?” Happiness can seem elusive until you realize that happiness has no real definition, so you can actually choose to define it any way you want.

Sometimes it seems selfish to think about our own happiness when there are so many awful things happening in the world. However, life is so short that we should strive to be as happy as possible, as often as possible, for as long as possible.  Bad things happen, but we have a choice as to how we allow it to affect us.  We can focus on those bad things and feel miserable, or we can choose to be grateful for the positive things in our lives and feel happy. My mother once shared a quote with me that always reminded me of that choice. “I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.”  Sometimes a little perspective can make a big difference.

Things that make you happy can be divided into categories: an event, an accomplishment, something pleasurable, a healthy, meaningful life. The list is endless. People speak about happiness in future terms: “I will be happy when…or I can’t be happy until…”

What if you decided that what you are now is happy, and if something good happens you can be happier?  How would your life be different if you believed you are happy now? A belief is only a thought that gets repeated over and over again.

There are 5 keys to happiness: 

  • You must believe you deserve to be happy. 
  • You must expect to be happy.
  • You have to be able to imagine or visualize being happy.
  • You need to learn how to control your thoughts. 
  • You need to be able to recognize when you are happy.

Abraham Lincoln said, 'Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.'  So, what if you chose to be happy, how do you find it?

  

Here are a few helpful hints:

  • Find a purpose. Viktor Frankl said, “The pursuit of happiness is a meaningless search because happiness is the byproduct of a meaningful life.”
  • Ask yourself, “How can I serve others?”.
  • Learn an “attitude of gratitude” and count your blessings
  • Examine your rules. Albert Ellis said that we make rules for ourselves and we become slaves to them.  What rules have you made that are getting in the way of your happiness? You made the rules, change them!
  • Focus on what you have, not what you don’t have.
  • Don’t compare yourself to anyone.  Comparison is often at the root of unhappiness.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you can’t find happiness.  Sometimes we need someone to help us eliminate guilt and fear so we can be open and feel deserving of happiness.  Hypnosis is the fastest, most effective way to eliminate negative, old, unwanted feelings.

Posted by: Fern Tausig AT 05:47 am   |  Permalink   |  Email
Tuesday, August 06 2013

Have you ever argued with yourself about something? Have you looked at a delicious cookie, and had a debate with yourself over whether or not to eat it. How many times have one part of you asked yourself “why did I say that?” or “why did I do that?” We all have different parts, or aspects, to our personalities. One part might be shy, while another part feels bold or confident. Don’t worry, you don’t have multiple personalities. The debating voices are different parts of your subconscious mind.

We all have an inner child. The inner child part of us can be stubborn, rebellious, strong, creative and the list goes on.  Understanding the existence of these parts can improve our chances of successfully reaching our goals and finding peace in our lives. I use the concept of “Parts Therapy” in my work with clients who are having a hard time giving up smoking, losing weight, sleeping or reaching their goals.In hypnosis we convene a “meeting of the parts” where each part presents their motives and needs in order to facilitate a compromise to overcome their conflict.

An example of this is a woman who came to me to lose weight. She tried everything but was unsuccessful.  In hypnosis she realized that when she was younger and sexy looking, she got a lot of unwanted attention and was molested.  Her unconscious mind was keeping her heavy to try to protect her from attracting sexual attention.  There was a part of her who was afraid to lose weight.  We were able to empower her adult resourceful part to assure she could protect herself.

Whenever someone comes to me to for help to quit smoking, there is a part of them that wants to continue to smoke. In hypnosis, when I communicate with the pro-smoking part, the reason they smoke is usually to relax and help cope with stress.  The pro-smoking part doesn’t want cancer but believes they need to smoke in order to cope. When it negotiates with the part that wants to become a nonsmoker, alternatives are discovered that provide the same, or better results than smoking provided.  Another woman that I helped quit smoking had a death wish that she was unaware of. Many people she loved died from smoking and she wanted to be with them. She had already lost a lung to cancer and couldn’t figure out why she could not stop smoking. She was able to stop smoking when the part of her that loved her husband and children prevailed.

Each of our parts has a specific role or goal. Sometimes it is to protect us and sometimes it is to punish us. Some of us feel guilty and believe we need to be punished.  Often we learned this from a parent and incorporated it into our unconscious beliefs. Inner conflict is not new, but using it as an approach to find solutions to our long standing problems is very effective as one of the many tools in hypnosis.

 

Posted by: Fern Tasusig AT 07:17 am   |  Permalink   |  Email
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