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Wednesday, February 20 2019

I have written about anger before but this is a question that still remains unclear.
Why are some people just angry by nature? Does being angry give a person the right to burst out into a mean, out of control rant?
We often tiptoe around angry people so we don’t ‘set them off . People often get used to angry rants and are afraid or just don’t want to address their angry behavior.
Here are some tips: if you are the angry one, begin to become aware of where you learned your angry style. Which of your parents did you learn from? How did you feel when the rant was directed toward you? Identify the feelings that you are having that may feel like anger, but are not. The anger is just a habit, or a convenient expression of much deeper, uncomfortable feelings. Here are some possible emotions you are avoiding: feeling disrespected, sadness, inadequacy, fear of being out of contro, or resentment toward the one whose anger you were the victim of. The thing that set you off was just a trigger and has very little to do with the person you’re currently ranting at. Being aware of what you are really feeling is the beginning of controlling those angry rants. The feeling always begins with an increased heart rate or knot in the stomach. The time to take control is at the first sign of anger building. Choose to take 3 deep breaths slowly in and out. As you breathe in think ‘calm’ and as you breathe out release stress. Decide to remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes so you can plan your words to respond instead of reacting to the situation. The best way to express your anger is to use the words, “ I’m really angry because.....” Anger isn’t bad, it’s a very normal feeling. It’s only bad if you hold on to it and let it grow. When that happens it builds until it feels out of control. You are never out of control but sometimes you neglect to use your control. It becomes a habit and is rather unfair to those you impose it upon. Punching a pillow or a punching bag can be helpful to release the adrenaline you have built up. Other forms of exercise will also work to use up that adrenaline.

If you are the victim of the anger: remain calm and let the person know that their behavior is unacceptable and you will be happy to discuss and issue when they are ready and feel better. When possible, ignore the words and focus on the feelings. For example ; “ I see you’re really upset and angry. What’s going on?” Remind them that you know they’re feeling terrible but you don’t like being screamed at.
People who lash out in anger don’t see them as being abusive but the victim of their rant often feels abused. Those who have these angry tirades have often been the victim of someone else’s rants and therefore have themselves been abused in the same way. They learned through their experiences. The cycle can stop!

Holding in anger is never the answer. Anger is like a hot coal; it only hurts when you hold on to it.

I believe that it’s not about how angry you are, it’s about how you handle that anger it’s also about what the real underlying causes are and how to learn to cope with those feelings in a meaningful effective way. When you know better, you do better!

Posted by: Fern AT 06:33 am   |  Permalink   |  Email
Sunday, February 17 2019

Do you remember the old saying, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”? Research on the brain has proven that statement is false. The brain can be rewired or reprogrammed more easily than you may think.

Most people understand the concept of being ‘traumatized’ by a specific experience. In fact many of my clients suffer from the result of an uncomfortable experiences from the past. They become focused on the event and replay it in their mind renewing the experience over and over in their mind. The more it replays the bigger and scarier it gets. If your brain is so easily programmed, you should realize it can be reprogrammed!

Teaching my clients how to use their own mind to accomplish their goals is one of my greatest joys! A belief is just a thought they repeat over and over again. It’s not necessarily true.

If you are willing to let go of your old outdated fears and beliefs you can enjoy your life! Fears, phobias and negative thoughts are debilitating and very unnecessary.

A common theme with many of my clients is a desire for more confidence and better self esteem. They often focus on their mistakes whether in a bad relationship choice or mistakes made in life that they continue to beat themselves up about. Often there is someone in their life who likes to remind them of past mistakes or failures. You can retrain your brain by changing your self talk and repeatedly focus on the change you want to achieve. Although there may be a million things you did right the mind often only focuses on the negative stuff. That can be changed and hypnosis makes it easier. Remember, beliefs you have about yourself aren’t necessarily true! Even if they were true, learning from mistakes and changing your perspective about those lessons can completely change those old beliefs. Confidence and healthy self esteem, in my opinion, is the key to happiness.

Another example of retraining your brain relates to weight loss. People tell me they love chocolate or pizza or ice cream. Imagine how difficult it is to give up something you love. Begin by telling yourself you used to love it but now you just don’t. I know, it sounds simple and it is! It’s easier to give up something that is making you fat if you like it but don’t love it anymore. Think about the number of things you have given up and don’t think about anymore. Repetition is the secret to success. You must be willing to change your relationship with those things that create unwanted fat. Training your brain requires a real willingness to give up your old story and replace it with a new one.

There are red flags to be aware of in your mind.  When you hear yourself say, ‘I can’t ....” Stop and change the statement to, “ I just haven’t done it yet, but now I’m ready.” So much of our negative destructive self talk is habitual and being aware of it is the first step to reprogramming your mind.

Learning to train your brain is like learning self hypnosis. Your new programming becomes a new habit with repetition. You must be repetitive! The things in your mind you have repeated millions of times so don’t give up when change is not immediate. Most people are already doing self hypnosis, just the negative kind!

Posted by: Fern AT 06:25 am   |  Permalink   |  Email
Wednesday, February 13 2019

There’re so many different ways to label negative feelings. Each has a different definition and evokes a unique way of experiencing it in the mind and body. Every emotion has a corresponding physical expression that includes, but is not limited to, elevated blood pressure, stomach pain, neck or back pain or even headaches. Because of the mind/body connection, the physical stress on the body caused by negative feelings can have long range and lasting health consequences. You don’t have to be a victim of your own feelings.

There is an article posted on the NPR website that says that scientists are finding a connection between irritability,anger and depression. They have made the connection that opens the possibility of another way to use medication for people who didn’t realize their anger and irritability could be depression.

I have successfully worked with many clients who have unresolved anger from childhood experiences. That anger affects every aspect of their lives. They definitely feel depressed as a result of holding on to those negative feelings for so long. Angry people often lash out at those around them making them clearly appear to be irritated. I am not a mental health doctor but I’m not seeing the ‘new’ connection between these negative emotions. Hypnosis, meridian tapping and Neuro Linguistic Programming are all tools that I use to alleviate negative feelings of all kinds. Although medication can benefit people who suffer from a variety emotional health issues, there are also several alternatives that can be used effectively to get the desired results without committing to a medical remedy. The side effects of medication can sometimes be very severe. Why not be open to see if other modalities can help as medication remains an option if other, more holisticavenues fail?

There is extensive research documenting positive results supporting hypnosis and meridian tapping for learning to cope with and resolve deep emotional negative feelings.

I have professional relationships with many medical doctors who refer their patients to me as a first choice to deal with unresolved emotions. Hypnosis is widely used and respected in the medical community but there are still so many who are uninformed about options for alternative help and therefore suffer needlessly. 

Hypnosis can empower you to understand the root cause of unwanted negative feelings and teach you to reframe your thoughts to neutralize those negative feelings.

I recently worked with someone who has a very stressful job and felt anxious every day at work. The feelings were related to their past childhood experiences but were exacerbated by her boss. We were able to resolve those issues from the past, which neutralized the effect her job on her life. It didn’t change the situation but it changed the way it affected her. Her stress was reduced to a very manageable level and she was able to function well at work comfortably.

Negative feelings are normal but they don’t have to define your life or your relationships. Take control of your thoughts that create those feelings that dictate your behaviors. You can take back control of your life! All the resources you need to feel better are already inside of you! 

Posted by: Fern AT 04:32 am   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email

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